PREDICTING CHIP ZD*RSKY'S BATMAN RUN

Donny sees "weiners" in Batman's future

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Donny Cates: Hey everybody, this is us. That's you. Back at it again. My name is Donny Cates. That is... Shit, I get it wrong every time. That's Ryan Stegman. And today, I don't know if you saw the news or not, but something horrific got announced. Somehow, they've let a Canadian be in charge of Spider-Man. Wait, what is he called? Batman. And it just so happens to be the only Canadian that we've ever spoken to. Chip Zdarsky. He's in charge of Batman now. So here, I'm joined by Ryan Stegman, we're going to try and guess what Chip's Batman run is going to be about. Ryan?

Ryan Stegman: Oh, I already know. So it's gonna start out with, uh, Batman going to jail, but he's gonna be allowed to wear his cowl in jail, and then Catwoman is going to become Batman. The end.

Donny: That sounds good. That sounds good. I think it'll probably be about wieners.

Ryan: Yeah. Lots of dick jokes.

Donny: He likes to draw wieners. Sophomoric humor. Really, kind of, poorly-constructed or thought out? No respect for the genre really. But somehow results in multiple Eisners.

Ryan: Yeah, that's true.

Donny: He's gonna win every Eisner in the world. But you know, it's funny, though, if people really knew... And boys, clip this out. But if people really knew how much disdain he really had for his fan base... Like you've heard him on the phone, like when he talks about how, like, when he told us that he was going to be on Batman like two years ago. He was like, "Boy, these fucking idiots don't have any idea what I'm going to do with their stupid Batman, because I fucking hate that character. And I hate all of the fans". So that's gonna be really interesting to see how he messes with them. Because I don't know if you've seen the press releases and again... Boys, cut this out. And all that stuff he's been saying and all of his interviews and stuff about how much he loves the character and it's such an honor and stuff. He texts me right afterwards. He's just, like, "can you believe these fucking idiots are buying this?".

Ryan: Yeah, he pulls an "us on the DVD extras of Morbius".

Donny: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's just lying through his fucking teeth. I know. So it's kind of interesting to see how long people put up with his absolute disregard for the fan base. Because he's not like US. Like, we love our fans, like, genuinely love our fans, every single one of them. And you and I are, like, widely regarded as good people. Right? Whereas Chip just very famously is not. So I guess we'll see how that plays. You know?

Ryan: I have a question. How long ago did he tell you he was writing Batman?

Donny: I have known for like, I don't know, a very long time. I don't want to say exactly how long I've known because I don't want to get him in trouble. But every single time we were talking on the phone in the past couple of however much time, I have talked to him and he's just like, "Yeah, I'm just swamped. I got this new thing I'm doing" and I'm like, "yeah, it's Batman". And he's like, "Naaah, anyway...", and he just moves the topic. I'm like, "why are you doing this"? I was like, "Dude, I know. I know. I work in this industry. Everyone knows, just say it". And he's like, "I don't know. I don't know. That'd be wild". And then the other day when he got announced, I woke up with a text from him where he's just like, "hey, guess what? Surprise, I'm running Batman". And I'm like, "I've known since I met you".

Ryan: I asked him multiple times. I was like, "who's running Batman next"? I don't know why. I don't even know why I care. I was just like, it's weird that I don't know. And he wouldn't. He didn't tell me and then the day that it got announced I got the text from him and I was like, "Of course you are".

Donny: Wait, you didn't know?

Ryan: I didn't know for sure. I felt like I knew, but I didn't know. And yeah, he was cagey enough and weird enough about it that I was like, "maybe he's not". You know?

Donny: You know, it's like this thing that I do all the time... And again, boys, cut this out. Like people always ask me, "What DC book would you like to do?" And I always say, "Well, you know, I'm exclusive to Marvel". But like, you know what DC book I'm actually working on right now. You know, and I can't say, but man, people are gonna be so surprised when they find out what DC book I'm taking over because, you know, Chip's the kind of guy to bring all of his friends along with him. So that's gonna be really fun. So anyway, that's been us. That's been that. So thanks.

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