Embarrassing Fanboy Stories!
Welcome to Cringe Town, population Donny & Ryan
In this minisode of Ryan and Donny’s Half-Assed Substack Podcast, the boys walk us through some of their most embarrassing fanboy moments from the pre-comics pro days!
Donny Cates: Hello, my name is Donny Cates. This is my friend Ryan Stegman. And you're tuning in to the Half-Assed Substack Podcast, or whatever the hell we're calling it. And today, we're telling embarrassing stories. Because the thing is, Ryan and I weren't always global phenom superstars. At one point, a long, long time ago, we were just little "Supple Boiz" ourselves, just trying to break into the industry any way that we could. By hook or by crook, we were trying to make a name for ourselves. And sometimes, when you're doing that, you tend to run afoul of some awkward situations and make a complete fucking ass out of yourself. So... Ryan?
Ryan Stegman: I'll just tell a quick one. So this one I didn't really make an ass of myself. It's just a funny memory, the first time I went to San Diego Comic Con. And so Top Cow was there. And there was a signing time for Marc Silvestri, so I could have just gone up there and met him. But uh, I was too scared. And I'd never been to, like, a convention this big. I'd only been to Motor City Comic Con. Anyway, Mark came out and sat down. And instead of going up there when, you know, the line was pretty reasonable, and just like getting something signed, or just, you know, saying hi, or whatever, I stood about 50 feet away and stared at him the entire signing. And then he just, like, did his whole signing. I just continued to be like, “He's a human being”. And he got up and left. And that was it.
Donny: You know, you and I have done our fair share of signings together.
Ryan: I always wonder, I hope there's somebody out there that's doing that to me.
Donny: Yeah. You know, I'll say this to fans. And it honestly, it kind of makes me feel better in retrospect, that like, I've seen people on Twitter and Instagram and stuff that say "Oh, I embarrassed myself so much in front of Donny and Ryan", or whatever it is. We never think that you guys are embarrassing. We have never, ever come away from a signing and been like "that guy, blah blah blah". Like, it's always a joy to see all you guys. And you know, if you're nervous or anything like that, it just means to us, at least, that you love the work that we do. So don't ever feel bad about it. That being said, I have two. One's really quick. I was an intern at Marvel, and Jeph Loeb came in. And he had an office there at the time. And Jeph Loeb came in, and I saw him from across the hallway and I knew it was him. And I kind of told my editors that I was working with, I was like, "Oh my god, I love Jeph Loeb's stuff". The editor I worked for, she was like, "Do you want to meet him? And I was like, "Okay, and I'll be like, here in the office. It's weird, right?" And so he came up, and I was going, in my head, I was like, "What do I say?" Because I love so much of his work. Am I going to talk about Spider-Man: Blue, Hulk: Gray, like, you know, The Long Halloween, like, what do we talk about, you know? And then, what came out of my mouth was... I met him, I shook his hand, and I go, "You wrote one of my favorite pieces of fiction of all time". And he was like, "Oh, yeah, which one?" And I was like, "Commando". The Arnold Schwarzenegger film--
Ryan: Yeah, I know he wrote that. Yeah.
Donny: Commando. And he looked at me with such disdain. And was so so ready to be done talking to me, so fast. Because I think he thought I was making fun of him. But I'm not! Commando is fucking awesome.
Ryan: You know who he wrote that for, right?
Donny: Freddie Mercury?
Ryan: No, Gene Simmons.
Donny: Oh that's right. Yeah, it's Gene Simmons. Um, the other thing, we'll end with this. So, I, like everyone on Earth, am a huge Garth Ennis fan. And there was a New York Comic Con, maybe like 2017, right when Ghost Fleet was... Well yeah, Ghost Fleet had been out. And then God Country was coming out and Redneck and all this kind of stuff. And you know, it was kind of like a big show for me, like, one of the biggest shows when people started kind of paying attention to what I was doing. But I still was very much, like, I didn't even have a manager yet. I didn't have anything, I was still just like a little fish in a big pond. And I'm outside of this bar, it's a "dead dog party". For those who don't know, dead dog parties are always on Sunday nights when everyone's just exhausted. And I'm outside having a smoke with a couple buddies of mine. Now, I don't drink, my buddies do, they're hammered, right? And I see Garth Ennis walk out onto the sidewalk. And Garth is trying to find a lighter. He doesn't have a lighter, and I do have one. And so I'm like, "Garth Ennis is about to walk over here and ask me for a light. That's gonna be awesome". And so he comes over, he asks me for a light. I say, "Yeah, man, here you go". Right? I wasn't gonna bother him, I wasn't gonna be like, "You're my idol, I love you, oh my god", right? I didn't say anything. But he kind of stands a little bit away from us, and then my drunk asshole buddy goes, "Hey, you're Garth Ennis, right?" And he's like, "Yeah, hey, how you doing?" You know, he was very nice. And he was like, "This is Donny Cates". And Garth kind of like, registered like he knew my name. He was like, "Oh, yeah. Hey, man. Yeah, I've, you know, heard of your stuff". And that alone was enough. I was like, "Thank you so much, man". And then my asshole buddy, to Garth Ennis' face, goes "He's the new you". And Garth just looks at me with this great smirk on his face and a cigarette in his mouth and he goes, "Is that true? Are you the new me?" And all that could come out of my mouth... What I meant to say was, like, "No one could ever be you, and you know, like, you're phenomenal". But what I said was exactly like this: I said, "No, sir. I'm just the first me." Like, the nerdiest, stupidest shit. It's so cringeworthy.
Ryan: I can't work with you anymore.
Donny: I know. I know. I knooow. And then he just laughed and like, flicked his cigarette down and walked away. And then he walked inside and my buddies turned to me and went, "I'm the first me? Is that what you really just said to Garth Ennis?" I was like, "Fuck you! You're the one who told him that I was the new him! Like, I'm not the asshole here! What was I supposed to do??" That's still horrifying. I ran into Garth at New York Comic Con at that bar that you and I were at, and I was there with, you know, Frank Tieri, who knows Garth pretty well. And he was like, "Hey, do you want to meet Garth?" And I was like, "Yeah, absolutely". And I'm very happy to report that if he remembers that at all, he didn't bring it up. And I'm sure he does not remember it at all. Because he was lovely and is a lovely man.
Ryan: I mean for all we know, he was hammered that night too, so.
Donny: Sure, sure. Let's... You know, let's hope.
Kids Love Chains. And we love you.
